Last Day of Preschool

Today is Luke's last day of preschool for the year. I am so sad I could cry. I don't know how to express to his teachers how grateful I am for them. I can't even find the words when I go to write the thank you cards. They don't seem adequate.

Last year, we noticed that Luke was a little behind his peers in a few areas. So we decided to have him tested. It turned out that he did have some delays (a few we were not even aware of) and would qualify for a special-needs preschool. I knew I should be grateful that we caught it early on and would get the help he needed. But still...I cried. No, I sobbed. After a little talk with all the specialists, I got in my car, holding the written evidence of all my unspoken worries staring me in the face, and cried my eyes out. And it was raining...so crying felt even more appropriate.

I didn't know what to expect in the future and I was worried that my son would be treated differently by other people even though he is one of the brightest kids around. I was upset that what I was doing to help him didn't seem to be enough. I didn't tell very many people he would be going to a special-needs preschool and I secretly wondered if the kids in the class would bring Luke's development down in some way or have a negative effect (which pains me to admit).

What actually came to pass is that this preschool was the absolute best thing in the world. His teachers are fabulous. The kids in the class are so kind and sweet...I couldn't ask for better friends for my son. Whenever I take him to preschool, I feel like they are just a little extension of our family. They love Luke and he loves them more than they will probably ever realize. Immediately, he made big improvements in the areas I was most concerned about. His confidence and willingness to try new things (except foods :)) has exploded. He is a big boy now. I quickly realized that I shouldn't have been so dramatic and heavy-hearted the day I found out that he qualified. I should have been brimming with gratitude.

After a while, I told more people about it because I realized it was nothing to be worried about. I found that there were a lot of parents who wondered about the same things I had been concerned about. They had no idea about special needs preschool or how normal it is to have a child who is a little bit behind in some areas. I talked to a lot of parents whose children were now doing just fine in regular school but had started out in special needs preschool so that they could fix certain problems early on before they became a major set-back. Now, I feel like I'm babbling to everyone I meet about how great it is and how they should have their child tested (okay, I don't actually make that suggestion unless they think they should) but I hope that parents who are worried like I was, will face the problem head-on and look for solutions.

Yes, today is a sad day. I wish I could take those blessed teachers and therapists with me to Ann Arbor. One thing is for sure. When we all make it to the other side (yes, I'm talking about heaven), I'm going to find them and tell them thank you just one more time. Because they were certainly heaven-sent.

Meet Pam

This is our new home in Ann Arbor. She is a cute little house. We are calling her 'Pam'. It fits her personality perfectly.

After a year and a half of stressing out about where to live (and how to live) in Ann Arbor, we finally drove up, looked for 3 days, and decided to bite the bullet and make an offer on a house. I honestly never thought it would be possible. We aren't those kind of decision makers. Luckily, we had been studying the housing market in Ann Arbor and home buying in general for the past year and a half. The homework was done. Still, I don't think we'll make the cut for House Hunters any time soon (the show on HGTV). It was literally hours upon hours of thinking, debating, praying... well after midnight. I'm lying on the floor pulling my hair out, hating life, probably stretching since that's what I do when I'm tense...but still unable to make a decision. Andrew is on the laptop with a blank look on his face, probably trying to formulate a statistical algorithm that will spit out an answer....and still we are unable to make a decision. The pro and con lists are completely unhelpful. I even came up with a point-based system but the two homes we like, end up in a tie (no joke).This is nothing that should ever be seen on television...not even a cable show.

Finally, we chose one and decided to sleep on it. I couldn't sleep. So we went with the other one: Pam. And now I sleep fine.

I fully expect something to break the minute we move in. I'm mentally prepared for it. I know I'm in over my head, having no real knowledge of how to fix anything or do yard work. I've heard plenty of horror stories. But I think it will be okay. Or maybe the Mom in me is just ready to care for another little one. Little Pam.



[p.s. we haven't officially closed yet...and I've been certain that the deal will fall through at least 3 times in the past month... so it is very possible that we will be homeless in a few weeks :)]

p.p.s. Did I mention that it has a laundry chute? As soon as our realtor showed us, Andrew looked at me, with fear in his eyes, and said emphatically, "Lauren, we cannot buy a house because it has a laundry chute."

Who says you can't? heehee

Don't Grow Up Please

This afternoon I took the boys to the playground. It was a playground next to an elementary school in an upper class neighborhood (and very religious, btw). For some reason there were lots of bigger boys at the playground today. I guess no one felt like going home after school. They appeared to be in two separate groups. One might have been a little older than the other but none of the kids could have been older than 10 or 11.

I overheard one of the groups of boys talking. I couldn't make out everything...just bits and pieces. Lots of swearing and overall talking about not very good things that I'm sure they would never be talking about if their mothers could hear them (listen to me! i sound like such a mom!). I was kind of surprised (not really surprised) that they all looked so innocent (and even a little nerdy) and I never would guess that such vulgar things could come out of their mouths. I must have been scowling at them or something because one of them noticed me before he was about to say something naughty and convinced the group to take off. 

I felt sick to my stomach.

Then I started listening to the second group of boys. Maybe they were a little younger because they didn't seem interested in talking about girls or anything remotely close to that. Instead they were challenging each others' manhood. "A real man can climb up to that branch up there!", "That jump was like a boy, look at my MAN jump!", etc, etc. And there they were - climbing and jumping off trees, climbing all over the playground (the parts not meant to be climbed on), seeing who could dangle their bodies from the highest point... it sort of made me laugh. They just teased and heckled each other to do one dumb thing after another. But honestly, do guys ever grow out of that?

Obviously, if I had to choose a group of friends for my boys when they grow up, I would much prefer the latter group although they kind of freaked me out too. But I guess I will have to settle for broken bones over vulgar bad boys. Is this what I have to look forward to? 

I cried. Just a little. I don't cry often and I'm always surprised by the things that make me tear up. Suddenly, potty training didn't seem like such a big problem after all. I usually am not so reluctant to let my boys grow up, but as soon as I saw what life was going to be like when they were 10 or 11, I just wanted to lock them up and never let them out into the world. Of course, it's not like I wasn't around kids like that when I was growing up. I didn't grow up in a bubble by any means. But I wasn't a boy. I don't even know what it is like for a boy. And even though I got through it, it is SO MUCH HARDER to think of them going through it. Being teased, feeling pressure to do what your "friends" do, not knowing who your real friends are, having no friends, having to stand up for what you believe in, feeling guilty for the times you don't... I'M SO GLAD that by and large I don't have to deal with this very often anymore. And when I do, it's not really a big deal because at the end of the day I go home to my family and they are really all that matters. 

Will my little boys survive? Will they make good choices and stick with good friends? Will they leave when they realize they're in a bad situation? 

I tried explaining all of my feelings about this to Andrew but he didn't seem worried at all. He just said we should look at it as a challenge and think of solutions to the problem. Such an Andrew thing to say. But even if we are the best parents in the world and teach them everything we know and prepare them the best way we know how, they still get make the choices in the end. And I'm sure they'll make some bad ones.  But hopefully lots good ones too. And we parents get to watch. And teach. And pray. And maybe cry a little more.

So tonight I am reveling in the fact that I am a mother to cute, little, innocent boys. I never want them to change. I know that is kind of a dumb thing to say, but I mean it tonight. I want Luke to be fun, kind, free-spirited, loving, pure, innocent, and not care what anyone thinks about him. I want to deal with tantrums, potty-training, learning how to walk, learning how to read, timeouts, not sharing, sleepless nights, kids that refuse to eat anything but sugar, kids that eat dirt...these are the problems I can handle. I wouldn't mind having these problems forever. 

Stay little. Please?

I can't remember what these two were doing, but I remember it was SO cute. I wish Annalise could live next to Luke forever. She would keep him in line.

Off Duty

We're off duty. On vacation. Can't wait to share some more pictures soon...

(we're not really off duty as anyone who has taken a vacation with kids can attest to...but I liked the picture)

Name Writing

I have some posts in the works. One is all about Cam, I just need to take some pictures. He is ADORABLE! I love this age.

I just quickly had to show you what Luke has been up to...

(drum roll please)

He just moseyed on out to the backyard and wrote his name with chalk. 

And then mocked my attempts to take his picture :)

I was glowing with pride.