Kindergarten Looming

Luke is about to start Kindergarten. I think I'm okay with it. I know that being very sad (or very happy) when your child starts kindergarten are both normal reactions. I'm going for a little of both. He is obviously ready. I put it off as long as possible by putting him in Young 5's which was a very good thing for him. I am excited for him to enter this new phase of childhood and I'm a little giddy about some of the things that go with it....back-to-school shopping, lunchboxes, fieldtrips, reading logs, etc.

While I am feeling lots of excitement and anticipation, I am also in mourning. I'm mourning a phase of my motherhood where no one could really bother us. Up until now I have had total control over our activities and what my children are exposed to. I decide how our time will be spent. If I want to take the kids on a roadtrip, I just go. No one is annoyed. No one falls behind. We have been free. I have loved this phase of motherhood. Even if it means that I rarely have a break to be by myself, I'm okay with that. I realized when I had lots of time to myself in the hospital that I'm sort of addicted to my kids. Good, bad and ugly, I just like to be with them.

But I'm letting go. At least I'm letting go a little bit. I planned a very fun summer, full to the brim with all my favorite family activities, just so I would have an easier time letting go come September. Luke told me this morning that he is a little nervous about going to kindergarten because he won't be with me ALL DAY LONG. I may have over-dramatized this little fact in his mind. I just wanted to be sure it didn't take him by surprise. So I eased the fear a bit by telling him that we will still have lots of time together in the morning and after school. I put a big fat smile on my face. But in the back of my mind I was sad. I know I will miss having this kid around all the time. Letting go stinks even if it is the best thing to do.

Luke always knows exactly what to do to press my buttons

But he usually quickly corrects himself to get on my good side again:)

He adores his little sister

He's turning into a little monkey

See! Wouldn't you want to spend every waking minute with this kid!?

No one is going to miss Luke during the day more than Cam. But boy am I excited to have more undivided attention to give my Cammy. That is my silver lining. 

Optimism in Depression Blog

I have a nephew named Alek. He is my very first nephew. The nephew that made me an Aunt. Back then, I thought of him more like the little brother I never had. He is all grown up now and is pretty much amazing. When he has an idea, he just goes for it. He always wants to help people and make the world better. After his LDS mission, when I realized he battled depression and anxiety, I felt confident that he would use his experience to help people. I knew that whatever life held for him, he would face it with courage. So when he told me that he started a blog to share his thoughts on living with depression and anxiety, I was excited to share it with people.

Take a look and share it with others. Everyone knows someone affected by depression or anxiety (or both). I often feel like the people who can help the most are those who know what it is like and can offer compassion, perspective and hope without dismissing the reality of the struggle. Pass it on.