Boys-3 Girls-2

We are so terrified excited to announce that we're expecting a little girl sometime in late October!

Luke has especially been rooting for a baby sister all along. He does have a sweet adoration for little baby girls for some reason, but I think he has also convinced himself that having a little sister will be a lot different from having a brother who always wants to play with his stuff. We'll see...

There are a number of people who may not know that I'm pregnant and definitely deserve to hear the news personally. I hope those people will forgive us. I have been sick (as expected) and though it is starting to get better, I think the headaches might be here to stay. Usually, after the boys go down to sleep, I soon follow. I even asked my parents to spread the word among my siblings because I knew I would never be able to make that many phone calls!

I will admit that having a girl is about the scariest thing I can imagine right now. All my sins growing up are coming back to haunt me. Andrew is equally worried that she will "have emotions and not think rationally". Haha...I guess he can only handle one of those in his life! I have always felt confident that I can raise boys (despite my occasional weak moments) but I don't have that same confidence about raising a girl. This was confirmed at a recent lecture I went to where the speaker was discussing gender differences in children. Many parents brought up the different concerns they have related to how their children are treated or the expectations placed on them in regard to gender. Without fail, almost all the parents of girls talked about how their girls feel pressure to be pretty even from a young age and are always attentive to comments made about their appearance, etc. As the stories rolled in, I was pretty relieved that I never had to think about those things. Ha. Ha. Ha.

On the flip side (and this might offend some people) but I've always had this idea in my mind that little girls are easy (note I said little girls, not teenage girls). I watch how they sit quietly in church meetings, answer questions thoughtfully in Sunbeams (the class for 3-4 year olds at church), mother other little children around them, and look at my sons with disdain as they destroy a playroom. I want one of those easy girls :). I realize it's not a true assumption as many of my Mom friends have attested. But when you're the Mom of all boys and you have felt the stares of a Mom with all girls...it feels true! I'm about to eat my words don't you worry.

Above all, we are really excited and grateful for a sweet, healthy baby and can't wait to meet her. She has two big brothers who are going to spoil her rotten.

Telling Luke that the baby is a girl. The end is my favorite part.

Beach Day

Yesterday we were so excited that Andrew had the day off. He worked about 100 hours last week and in general it seems like it has been FOREVER since we've had a good chunk of family time. That is why, even though it was raining and 50 degrees outside, we decided to go to the beach. We actually considered some alternative plans, but getting out of town felt the most therapeutic.

We stopped mid-way during the 2.5 hour drive, at a famous doughnut shop in Kalamazoo. The line was literally out the door. Luke thought  'Kalamazoo' was a fun name and said it repeatedly throughout the day. We were hoping the rain would let up by the time we got to Holland, but at best it slowed to a light drizzle. Still, we packed the boys in the stroller with blankets and lazily wandered down the swanky-yet-family-friendly main street. After lunch, we had the beach all to ourselves.

Who knew we would find such a respectable beach only 2.5 hours away? This is where we will be spending many summer days...I promise.

As the weakest link, I hid under the nearby shelter, huddled in a blanket and watched the boys play in the sand (and drizzly rain). They built a little sandcastle and chased sea gulls, amazingly resilient against the elements. But after about 20 minutes we decided to be responsible parents and get them into dry clothes.

On the surface it might have seemed like a ruined day trip but it was SO FUN to go somewhere new and have everyone together for a whole day. Trip successful!

Spring

Spring finally came to Michigan. It took FOREVER to get here :)

I still remember when the Realtor was driving to show us our house. She turned down this stunning tree-lined street and it sort of took my breathe away (smart Realtor!). I get to drive under this lovely canopy every time I drive to our home now and it makes me happy.



The boys love to look for roly poly's. Cam usually smushes the poor things while trying to pick them up. He is always so excited to show me a bug that he's caught and they are almost always dead by the time I pry them from his pinched fingers.

It may have been an awful winter, but it has been a gorgeous Spring.

Happy Mother's/CFS Awareness Day

I wish I could write a glowing post about the joys of motherhood right now. But I can't. Even though being a Mom is an opportunity I treasure above all else....this week has defeated me and the words are not there. I should have written a Mother's Day post last week when my feelings about motherhood were all rainbows and hollyhocks. But this week I've heard Luke say, "I don't want a Mommy anymore" more times then I can count. I have refereed several brotherly quarrels, tripped over more legos than we even own, and looked at a long "to-do" list with little hope of accomplishing anything. So I will await all those positive, fuzzy feelings I have about motherhood to return. They always do.

In the meantime, I am so grateful for my own mother and mother-in-law who I increasingly can't believe survived motherhood with so much grace and strength. They give me hope during the trying moments. And they are just moments....meant to make us all stronger, wiser, and more capable of love.

I also am so grateful for my sister-in-law, Jessica who made these announcements and pins in preparation for CFS Awareness Day which falls on May 12. CFS stands for Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and Jessica so humorously pointed out last year that she had so many big plans to raise awareness, but was too tired to carry them out. I am always amazed at everything she accomplishes when each day is a battle for her. She always remembers birthdays before they happen (one of my greatest weaknesses) and gives the most thoughtful gifts. She has such great creative and spiritual talents to share with her family and the world. She finds ways to make such a personalized difference in the lives of others. Yet, all this is done with seemingly insurmountable physical obstacles that are a constant struggle. So much of it I know I don't understand and I can't possibly imagine what life is like for her. But I'm grateful for how much she has opened my eyes and tried to help me understand. I love and admire her dearly and hope you will all take a moment to think of people you may know who have this same struggle. They may not be able to leave home or participate in the same activities as their friends/family. But as Jessica's pins point out, they are the "chronically awesome" and deserve our recognition, support and friendship. She has a series of posts about the syndrome you can read here and have your eyes opened to what life is like with Chronic Fatigue.


**p.s. I wrote this post yesterday but I am feeling much more sparkly-eyed about motherhood today. Maybe because my boys have been singing my accolades all morning and singing "Happy Mother's Day" to the tune of "Happy Birthday". But I have to share the conversation I had with Luke yesterday after I told him for the 3rd time he needed to stop stealing Cam's blocks.

Luke: "I don't want a Mommy anymore!" (his new favorite line)
Me: "Well, that could probably be arranged. Would you like to go live with Grandma?"
Luke: "YES!"
Me: "Okay, lets call her up and tell her you're going to live with her now"
Luke: (after thinking it over, refuses to call)
Me: "Why don't you just live in the backyard...in the playhouse. You can just take care of yourself out there. Eat grass and stuff when you get hungry"
Luke: "Grass?! That is gross!"
Me: "You could have a nice life out there".
Luke: "But there wouldn't be anywhere comfy to sleep"
Me: "Sounds like maybe you might want a Mom then"
Luke: "Yeah I think I do"

He gives me a hug and our relationship is restored for about 10 minutes until he fires me all over again. I will admit that the first time he ever used this line on me, it was like a dagger to the heart and I might have cried a little. But I've since learned to let it roll off my back. It is much more fun to follow his wish to it's logical conclusion and let him decide. In the end, he always chooses to have a Mommy again.

They're really cute.

Yesterday I watched this Mormon Message about Motherhood which I thought was great. But when I heard the line, "Life doesn't come with a manual, it comes with a Mother" I'll admit that tears came to my eyes. I'm the manual? How can I be the manual when I'm constantly trying to figure out how to do this job? Sometimes I admit, I'm a downright lousy manual. Like those Ikea instructions with only pictures and you just have to fill in the gaps or guess. But the truth is, if figuring out this mother thing is my biggest struggle, my boys are completely worth every last ounce of effort I have. If I'm the manual, then there's no use complaining or waiting for someone else to do the job for me. I better just figure it out, pray a lot, and be confident and engaged even when I want to go hide under my covers. At least I have complete confidence that the Lord has all the answers and He will give me a few of them from time to time. 

I do love these little stinkers

When Luke decided to make his own bunny costume

Cam went through a phase where he insisted on wearing these goggles everywhere...even in public....even to bed.

Cam's Chicken Impression

An Afternoon With Luke

Luke and I usually have time to kill while Cameron takes a nap on Tuesdays and Thursdays. The other afternoons, Luke is at preschool and happily occupied for a few hours. But on Tuesdays and Thursdays he must endure a long boring afternoon at home. Today he said he wanted to make cracker muffins (?). Since he has had an upset tummy the last few days, I was willing to concede to anything (within reason) that might sound appetizing to him. I googled "cracker muffins" and found a recipe for graham cracker muffins. Lacking in healthful substance but full of sugar, I knew Luke would probably love them. I let him do all the measuring and pouring, slightly surprised at his accuracy. Usually I can't help but take over, but caring little about how these muffins would turn out, I let go and realized how steady his hand has become and how he does things precisely like I do them...my little onlooking shadow for all these years.

As the muffins were in the oven, Luke got out a Memory game and began laying the cards on the floor. When he asked if I would play with him, I remarked that I'm not very good at that game. What I meant to explain was that that particular Memory game has, in my opinion, the most hideous artwork and all the pictures look practically identical. I guess I'm picky about the aesthetic appeal of certain games. I was about to politely decline, but he was eager to start and showed me his first match before I could say no. I'm sure he peeked. Who gets a match on the very first try!? I turned over two cards with no success. After a few unsuccessful turns, Luke took pity on me."Why don't you try again Mom?". After disregarding the rules and trying to match one particular card repeatedly, I finally got a match. "See Mom," said Luke encouragingly, "you just have to keep on trying and then you find the match".

I felt a little silly, having my son buoy up my indifferent attitude that he had mistaken for discouragement. At the same time, I was exceedingly pleased that he understood the proper way to approach defeat. Would he remember his own advice in the future when he finds himself at the losing end? I left for a few moments to check on the muffins. Nearby from the kitchen I could hear him rustling through the cards at a rapid pace. When I returned he had two cards neatly separated from the rest. "Why don't you try those two?" he innocently suggested. Of course, they were the match I had most recently been searching for. "You did it! Good job Mom, that's two matches!" he said trying to bolster my confidence. "But I still have more than you," he added with the prideful innocence that only a child can get away with.