Happy Mother's/CFS Awareness Day

I wish I could write a glowing post about the joys of motherhood right now. But I can't. Even though being a Mom is an opportunity I treasure above all else....this week has defeated me and the words are not there. I should have written a Mother's Day post last week when my feelings about motherhood were all rainbows and hollyhocks. But this week I've heard Luke say, "I don't want a Mommy anymore" more times then I can count. I have refereed several brotherly quarrels, tripped over more legos than we even own, and looked at a long "to-do" list with little hope of accomplishing anything. So I will await all those positive, fuzzy feelings I have about motherhood to return. They always do.

In the meantime, I am so grateful for my own mother and mother-in-law who I increasingly can't believe survived motherhood with so much grace and strength. They give me hope during the trying moments. And they are just moments....meant to make us all stronger, wiser, and more capable of love.

I also am so grateful for my sister-in-law, Jessica who made these announcements and pins in preparation for CFS Awareness Day which falls on May 12. CFS stands for Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and Jessica so humorously pointed out last year that she had so many big plans to raise awareness, but was too tired to carry them out. I am always amazed at everything she accomplishes when each day is a battle for her. She always remembers birthdays before they happen (one of my greatest weaknesses) and gives the most thoughtful gifts. She has such great creative and spiritual talents to share with her family and the world. She finds ways to make such a personalized difference in the lives of others. Yet, all this is done with seemingly insurmountable physical obstacles that are a constant struggle. So much of it I know I don't understand and I can't possibly imagine what life is like for her. But I'm grateful for how much she has opened my eyes and tried to help me understand. I love and admire her dearly and hope you will all take a moment to think of people you may know who have this same struggle. They may not be able to leave home or participate in the same activities as their friends/family. But as Jessica's pins point out, they are the "chronically awesome" and deserve our recognition, support and friendship. She has a series of posts about the syndrome you can read here and have your eyes opened to what life is like with Chronic Fatigue.


**p.s. I wrote this post yesterday but I am feeling much more sparkly-eyed about motherhood today. Maybe because my boys have been singing my accolades all morning and singing "Happy Mother's Day" to the tune of "Happy Birthday". But I have to share the conversation I had with Luke yesterday after I told him for the 3rd time he needed to stop stealing Cam's blocks.

Luke: "I don't want a Mommy anymore!" (his new favorite line)
Me: "Well, that could probably be arranged. Would you like to go live with Grandma?"
Luke: "YES!"
Me: "Okay, lets call her up and tell her you're going to live with her now"
Luke: (after thinking it over, refuses to call)
Me: "Why don't you just live in the backyard...in the playhouse. You can just take care of yourself out there. Eat grass and stuff when you get hungry"
Luke: "Grass?! That is gross!"
Me: "You could have a nice life out there".
Luke: "But there wouldn't be anywhere comfy to sleep"
Me: "Sounds like maybe you might want a Mom then"
Luke: "Yeah I think I do"

He gives me a hug and our relationship is restored for about 10 minutes until he fires me all over again. I will admit that the first time he ever used this line on me, it was like a dagger to the heart and I might have cried a little. But I've since learned to let it roll off my back. It is much more fun to follow his wish to it's logical conclusion and let him decide. In the end, he always chooses to have a Mommy again.

They're really cute.

Yesterday I watched this Mormon Message about Motherhood which I thought was great. But when I heard the line, "Life doesn't come with a manual, it comes with a Mother" I'll admit that tears came to my eyes. I'm the manual? How can I be the manual when I'm constantly trying to figure out how to do this job? Sometimes I admit, I'm a downright lousy manual. Like those Ikea instructions with only pictures and you just have to fill in the gaps or guess. But the truth is, if figuring out this mother thing is my biggest struggle, my boys are completely worth every last ounce of effort I have. If I'm the manual, then there's no use complaining or waiting for someone else to do the job for me. I better just figure it out, pray a lot, and be confident and engaged even when I want to go hide under my covers. At least I have complete confidence that the Lord has all the answers and He will give me a few of them from time to time. 

I do love these little stinkers

When Luke decided to make his own bunny costume

Cam went through a phase where he insisted on wearing these goggles everywhere...even in public....even to bed.