Night Conversations

Lately I've been responding to Luke's requests after I tuck him in bed and he tip toes quietly down the stairs after me and sweetly says, "Mom...lay down next to me".

I'm a complete sucker! I can't say no to that sweet little voice that works so hard to string that little sentence together (even though Andrew tells me I setting a bad precedent).

So I go up and lay (lie?) down next to him. This is quickly becoming my favorite time of the day. He is unusually focused and I can talk to him about things that he normally doesn't have the attention span for. A few nights ago we talked about how he will marry a girl someday and have little kids of his own. He thought this was really funny. Then he teased me by saying I am a boy and Daddy is a girl. He loves that joke.

Another night we talked about Jesus. Another night the topic was angels.

Tonight it went something like this:

Me: I'm not feeling very good tonight Luke
Luke: Mommy sick?
Me: Yes
Luke: You need to cut your nails?

Whenever Luke asks why I need to cut his nails, I tell him that he will get sick if he doesn't ... I use this reasoning for a lot of things including why he shouldn't pick his nose. Now he probably thinks I'm a nose picker too! Why else would I be sick?

He turned on his side and fell asleep pretty quick (it sort of amazes me how he can do that with me lying right next him). I stared at the back of his curly blonde head and had a realization sweep over me that he will never be a little boy again. This is it. I don't get to relive these days at some future point in eternity. He will only be my little 3 year old once, with all his cute, innocent misunderstandings and carefree spiritedness. At this age, he wants me right next to him all the time...watching him build a house with blocks or a tower with legos. He wants me right next to him when he goes outside or when he is drawing a picture. He wants me right next to him when he is doing nothing at all. In those moments he quickly makes up something to do when he can tell I'm getting distracted. Luke's "made up on the fly" games are not always fun per say, but it's Luke and he could make staring at a blank wall seem fun with his easy laugh and addictive smile.

My point is, the thought that this time will slowly fade away and change to something different made me ache. If you want to cry everyday, just have this realization on a daily basis and I promise you will. I don't think I can consciously think of it too often, because if I did, trying to savor every moment would just become way too overwhelming (and I would cry a lot).  Still, it is good to be reminded. That's when I realize that maybe taking an extra 20 minutes to lay down next to him at night is actually the only place I want to be. Everything else I want to do in life can wait until later. Who would miss this?