The Latest Turn of Events...

I wish I had good news to report, but the Stacey household just experienced a rather large turn of events. Last Tuesday, I started bleeding and had to be admitted to the hospital. We later discovered that there is a sizable blood clot behind my placenta that is causing the bleeding. It is medically referred to as a "placental abruption" but don't google it unless you want to be a little freaked out (that means no googling Mom!).

Needless to say, the last week has been a roller coaster of emotions.

When people ask me what this means and what is expected to happen, I really don't know. We just have to take it one day at a time and see how things progress. However, this is what I do know:

-If the bleeding stops and doesn't start up again, that is wonderful news.
-If the bleeding starts up again and is significant or is causing distress to the baby, I will have to have an emergency c-section.
-If the blood clot just stays put but causes irritation to the amniotic sac, there is a risk I could go into preterm labor.
-It is unlikely that I will carry the baby to full term....but anything is possible.

*I should probably note that this is not the type of blood clot that could cause me to have a heart attack...it is not in my veins. I have scared some people with the words "blood clot".

So I am just sitting in the hospital (one week and counting), hoping for the best while preparing for the worst. I am 25 (almost 26) weeks pregnant which is okay, but if I were to deliver now, the baby would probably face many challenges and be in the hospital for several months (though she is in very healthy condition in her current state). If my bleeding stops and the clot looks like it is decreasing, they will let me go home but life at home will not be normal. There will likely be restrictions on my activities that will require lots of help and assistance. Either way, this will be a major change for everyone.

I have gone from shock and horror, to severe worry and sadness, but have eventually ended up in a place of peace and an understanding that we will just need to face and accept whatever will come with faith. I am doing well physically and the bleeding is generally improving which is encouraging. But I also know that things could change suddenly at any moment. Not being able to take care of my boys is VERY frustrating and having to ask for help and let go of all my plans is SO HARD to do. However, there have been some tender mercies extended of which I will briefly list a few.

First of all, for some reason I knew that something was coming. I didn't quite imagine all this, but I knew something wasn't right and had even found myself flooded with thoughts a few times about what our family would do if I had to go on bedrest or if this pregnancy took a turn for the worse. I believe the Spirit prompted me that something was coming and for some reason, that makes it easier for me to accept.

Secondly, my friends and family have come to the rescue and overwhelmed me with love. A few have traveled long distances just to help and offer support. I have been shocked at how quickly they have dropped everything just to be here. Most importantly, many have prayed for us and I have felt the effects of those prayers. Sometimes I am tempted to be a very private person, and my first instinct was definitely not to start telling everyone what was happening. But as I began to realize that my bleeding was getting worse and I needed divine help, I began texting family and some friends and asked them to pray for some specific things. It was only after that plea for help that the situation began to improve. I could literally feel the power of those prayers in our behalf. I needed those prayers more than anyone will ever know.

Thirdly, before the cause of the bleeding was found, I was sort of in a dreamland, thinking that it could possibly just be a fluke that meant absolutely nothing. Some women do experience bleeding and, though it needs to be checked out, the cause is never discovered and it never happens again. I was sure that was me. But after they found the clot and I saw the looks on the faces of the doctors, I knew I was in trouble. I opened up the Ensign (a church magazine) to try and distract myself from all emotions I wasn't ready to face. Almost immediately, I read this quote:

"God's greatest miracle, is bringing eternal salvation to His children"

I was praying for a miracle, and still am praying and pleading with the Lord for what I want. The scriptures say over and over again to ask for what you want, so I will. But ultimately I know that this miracle may or may not come to pass depending on the will of the Lord. The true miracle is that even if it doesn't go my way, the greatest miracle is certain. My family will be sealed together for eternity, with perfect bodies, to live with Heavenly Father in a state of happiness forever. That is the blessing He is offering me and the miracle that He is certain to grant in the future, despite what happens in this life. Remembering this "greatest miracle" was the only thing that finally brought me enough peace to face whatever will come. Despite the fact that I am weak and have moments of fear (and plenty of crying), I know that I can trust the Lord. He has never abandoned me or left me comfortless. He may not give me every gift I ask for, but He always finds a way to give me some gift. And over time, I have come to see that He always gives me what I actually need most.

We do appreciate your prayers in our behalf and I will try to keep my blog updated with any significant news.

p.s. I have a great view from my hospital window....except that it overlooks a graveyard. Who's idea was that?!