Week 26

My view

Every Wednesday I get to celebrate one more week of pregnancy and every week is a huge victory. I figure I should keep a good record of what's going on so baby can one day read about all the drama she caused (I mean that lovingly).

Before all this happened, I'm sure a day lounging in bed with nothing to do but read and catch up on a show sounded really appealing, but as it turns out, it is not so great. Forget the stress and discomfort associated with the situation, sitting in a bed all day is driving me a little crazy. And the adage "sleep begets sleep" is absolutely true. For some reason I feel more tired and have a harder time concentrating than ever before. Reading books makes me so sleepy too. Exercise brings more energy, laying around all day makes you tired...weird but true.

However, I'm not complaining. Whatever keeps me pregnant for as long as possible is totally worth it. I just feel more grateful for the crazy days I had with my boys before I ended up in the hospital. All the books I never got around to reading before or time I craved for my own projects, really doesn't compare to playing with Luke and Cam. In fact, I wouldn't even mind cleaning a house right now. Grass is always greener.

I made myself a little schedule today with activities changing every hour or so. It's really nothing to get excited about but I think it will keep me sane. I keep feeling like I should really take advantage of this time and make the best of it, so I'll have to work on setting goals.

Surprisingly, I didn't even realize until yesterday when someone brought it up, that I can probably stop wearing the hospital gown and put on some pajamas. This past week has been so stressful and I have felt like the doctors were ready to slice and dice me at any moment (and they probably were to be honest), so comfortable clothing hasn't really been on my mind. But now that things are calm and feeling more long term (fingers-crossed) I think I'm going to stop negotiating the awkward gown/sheet and put on some normal clothes that lack holes in all the wrong places. I may even instruct Andrew on how to give me a pedicure. Putting on makeup still has a very low probability though.

Baby is doing well and the bleeding continues to be really light. I can tell things are looking okay for the moment because the doctors and nurses don't come in very much anymore. Being ignored is a good thing! Yet, I don't hear much talk of leaving anytime soon either. One of the doctors said that maybe if I do really well until week 28 they could let me go home. Then she said something about not wanting me to deliver a 26 week old baby at home. No kidding! I didn't even realize that was on the table. I think I'll just stay here to keep that from happening :).

I have to mention that when things are going well and I feel calm, there is only one thing that gets me emotional, and that is thinking of my boys. I wonder how this is all affecting them and if we will grow apart if I spend months in the hospital. Will I forget all the little things they like or will they totally change by the time I get home. Maybe they won't like my waffles anymore or laugh at my jokes. What am I missing out on?! It tortures me. Mostly I worry about Luke because he is older and is affected by change a lot more. He has such a sensitive heart. But I also worry about Cam because it is so hard to bond with a toddler when you can't throw him up in the air and chase him around the room. I only explain these feelings so people understand how much it means to me when friends and family go out of their way to care for my boys or make them happy. It means so much when I can rest assured that they are with someone who loves them. I pray continually that those angelic people will have extra special blessings for their sacrifice. They have no idea that they are lightening my biggest burden right now.