32 Weeks and Some Birthday Business

This hospital has a really cool playhouse

Luke's birthday is tomorrow! But don't tell him that, because we aren't celebrating until Saturday. I'm so glad that I have something else to think about because I haven't heard the news I wanted to hear this week. Most likely they will not let me go back home and I doubt they will deliver me in that 34-36 week time frame. I don't expect anyone to understand why this is so difficult to hear. Isn't it enough that my baby is healthy and happy? Shouldn't I want to carry this baby to full term? Isn't the hospital the safest place for someone in my condition to be? These things are true and I am trying to focus on just being grateful that things have turned out far better than we ever could have imagined.

However, there are also burdens to be borne. Not just by me, but by many others. I don't feel like elaborating, but trust me, there is a lot of sacrifice going on right now and I feel the full weight of the sacrifices others are making. To think this could go on until late October ...well, you just can't imagine what that is like. Boredom is not the problem. Many people believe that boredom and being stir crazy must be the worst thing ever. But I was raised in a home where if you were bored, it was your fault. It wasn't anyone else's job to entertain me. So I find ways of staying busy. Not to say that they are the most productive ways or that I wouldn't mind a change of scenery. I definitely appreciate a visit, an email, or a good book to read, etc. But I'm not one to suffer much from boredom. Instead I suffer because I can't be a Mom to my children or of much help to my husband.

These guys are obsessed with taking pictures with my phone...they normally don't turn out very well.

Anyway, back to Luke. I have been party planning all week (thanks to amazon prime free shipping) and even though it might be the most simple birthday party of all time, it is definitely one of the most anticipated. Luke has been talking about his birthday ever since Cam's birthday in early January. It was so hard to explain just how far away his birthday was back in January. As my birthday came and went, and Andrew's birthday came and went...his anticipation only intensified. Last April, we made a paper chain to countdown to his birthday, but after about 100 chains, we both got tired and I told him we wouldn't be able to start using it until a few months had passed.

The boys might be going through a "binky rebound" during this difficult time. Luke says, "when people have people in the hospital, they get to have a binky." 'Nuff said.

I just love Luke. He really only cares about the cake and the party hats. I have asked him a few times over the last several weeks what he wants for his birthday. His answer is usually very random. One day he said "a rubber duck," another time, "an electric train with a green button". ???. On Monday he said that he wants shoes and something to put them in. That was my "I'm the worst Mom ever" moment because he has grown out of his play shoes and his Sunday shoes and is wearing his sandals everywhere he goes. What kid has to ask for shoes? I'm clearly not doing my job. But as for something to put the shoes in, there is already a place and he just doesn't use it...so I don't feel bad about that. Still, I doubt any other kid on the planet has ever asked for a "shoe organizer". Random. He makes me laugh. He also wants a pirate ship, a fish, and a toy castle so I guess his kid instincts are still intact.

I think I have the best boys ever. And somehow, even though they bug each other at times, they have ended up the very best of friends. It's hard to believe that it was only 5 years ago on that hot August day, that I walked around the neighborhood like a maniac trying to speed up the contractions that I woke up with. I must have looked so weird as I stopped now and then to bend over in pain. Later that day, we delivered the last of the thank you cards for my baby shower, stopped by a friend's house to help them move (I didn't lift a finger) and then Andrew headed to an AA meeting that he was required to go to for med school. In the meantime, I stayed busy by cleaning the bathtub (for some reason right before I have a baby I worry that nothing in my house will ever be cleaned again and I become an obsessive cleaner). I called Andrew near the end of his meeting and told him he needed to come home because it was FINALLY time to go to the hospital.

The next morning at 6:30 am, little Luke arrived.

He was remarkable.

We were positive he was the most lovable baby ever born. He smiled at 3 days old... promise.

That's how this crazy parenthood began. I wonder how I will tell the birth story of this little girl when she turns 5. I'll probably leave out all the sad and frustrating details and simply tell her that she was worth it.

The miracle of being a Mom is that I'll mean it.