A few weeks ago (or maybe more, it's all a blur) I was having a hard time disciplining Luke. I can't remember what the exact problem was but I remember thinking that he just didn't care about anything I had to tell him. He could just tune me out without any trouble at all. Then one Sunday, while we were in between classes at church, Luke bit Cam for some reason and Andrew got really upset at Luke. He firmly asked him why he had bit his brother and told him how disappointed he was. To my astonishment, Luke burst into tears. It was the first time I had ever been absolutely positive that Luke felt bad for doing something wrong and even more sad for disappointing his Dad. It kind of broke my heart to watch but I knew it was an important lesson for Luke to learn and it all turned out okay in the end. I was absolutely dumbfounded at how eager Luke was to please his father. I get upset at Luke all the time but he never seems to mind disappointing me.
This whole incident caused me to think long and hard about how I was doing as a Mom. I won't bore you with the details but after a lot of thinking and praying, I decided that I needed to be more present with my kids and active in playing with them (if your starting to extrapolate my comments to your own parenting and feeling self-conscious or guilty...please don't. this is just the conclusion that I came to for myself). I have to confess that I sort of have 'playtime ADD' (that's playtime Attention Deficit Disorder to be clear). I really enjoy my kids and I actually really like playing with them. But my mind is always racing with all the other things that I need to get done. Sometimes I am there physically but my mind is thinking about what I'm going to make for dinner, or what I should do for Activity Days, or maybe even really lame things that I would never admit here. I play with the kids while working on other projects or play with them for a couple minutes and then leave (which is fine sometimes), but rarely do I just completely devote a significant amount of time to doing whatever it is my kids want me to do (I am mostly talking about Luke).
Another confession: sometimes it is really hard to play 'blanket monster' for longer than 5 minutes. I don't even know what blanket monster is supposed to do...I'm just sitting under a blanket, growling and chasing Luke around. He loves this, but after about 5 minutes my brain is falling asleep. Other games aren't so bad. We build a lot of things only to destroy them the second they are complete. Recently he has started to play hide and go seek (which is pretty easy at our house). It is actually really cute because he laughs so hard that I always know exactly where he is hiding. But I digress.
My point is, I actually had to make a goal to spend at least 30 minutes a day playing with Luke (I try to make sure that the 30 minutes is only Luke and I if possible). Is that totally embarrassing that I had to make that a goal? It kind of surprised me when I realize how seldom I commit all my energy, time, emotion, creativity, etc. to just being with Luke. I block away everything else that competes for my attention, I fight my 'playtime ADD' and I force myself to be completely interested in Lighting McQueen's big race or building a town out of Lincoln Logs, or even playing a rousing round of 'blanket monster'.
So far so good ( I could expound on how it is going but this post is getting really long). In short, it has been AMAZING for our relationship. But I know if I am really going to keep it going then I needed to tell some people about my goal. A friend of mine told me that she has different themes each day of the week so she can remember to try and teach her daughter something new everyday. She inspired me (as she frequently does) and I decided...
Monday: Numbers/Math/Shapes
Tuesday: Alphabet stuff
Wednesday: Geography/Art
Thursday: Reading
Friday: Science
I'm going to report back how this is all going every once in awhile so that you all feel terrible about yourselves and think I am the greatest parent ever! Haha, just kidding. I will actually report how it is going on my blog so that I am motivated to keep it going and have a record of ideas I can use with Cam. Please call me names if I fall off the horse (is that how the saying goes?) and don't follow through with my goal.
3 comments:
This is SO great! You reminded me how important playing is. I was actually up with Gigi in her room today before putting her down for her nap, and I found myself hoping that she wouldn't notice that I was skipping pages in the book we were reading because I was anxious to have it finished up! (We read this book eeeeeevery day). So, I hope this isn't obnoxious, but after I read your post I went back to see if I had written down any tips from when I was coaching mom and kiddo play time two years ago as a grad student, and I came across this post and thought it might give a few useful tips! Nothing was from me: it was all stuff I learned as an intern. http://mm.prietos.org/2009/07/how-to-play-with-children-and-other_08.html Enjoy!
You rock my world, Lauren. I read this a few days ago when you first posted it, and have just simply had it rolling around in my mind the past few days as I try to evaluate myself as a mom. Wowsers do I have a lot of work to do too. I'm glad that you are candid enough to share your goal, because it does help put things in perspective. I hope you are still going strong at it, and would love to hear ideas about your "general" focus each day. :) Good luck!
Haha. This is so me. I am definitely one of those people who would have to actually make a goal to spend 30 whole minutes focused just on playing with Olivia. I don't care what the pros say. It is hard to get down on the floor and physically, mentally play with a little kid for longer than a few minutes. No doubt you'll be the coolest mom around in no time.
You probably already are. :)
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